Candy Crush Jelly

Hi and welcome to the forum. Mobile games aren't so popular around here, but don't let that stop you. Unless you're a troll I guess?

No

Had a feeling hence the troll part of my post.

Then get Nintendo's dick out of your mouth and play it. Then come back here and give us a proper review of it. Since you're so good with new users,this should piece of cake for you.

I know that a lot of you have been waiting for this. There's been a real buzz about it. I got tons of private messages in my inbox from people asking me, when am I going to do this review? Lots of messages, but especially from linzi67. Mostly about Candy Crush, but also other things. And I think we've formed a real friendship.

So for the past two weeks I played Candy Crush Jelly. I crushed the candies. I spread the jelly. I could have beat the game, but decided not to. This is the first time I ever played a Candy Crush. And now I'm going to review it.

I have to warn linzi67. I'm not going to let our friendship sway this review. I'm like really impartial. Probably the most impartial person. But I never played a Candy Crush before. This is a new thing for me. But I'm really good at it. On almost every level, I was in the top 20 in the world. And these are really good players. Some of the best. But I'm beating them without really trying. Sometimes I would try. Then I was in the top three, even number one. I have the highest score on a lot of the levels. And I didn't try. So it's like, big deal.

The game is free, but you have to pay for the powerups. And you need the powerups. Does that sound fair to you? You can beat the game without powerups. Believe me, I've done it. But the people getting highscores are using lots of powerups, folks. A lot more than you and me. And the game is rigged for those people. Maybe this is a good game for Balder. I don't know. He'd probably like it. He likes rigged systems.

It's a puzzle game. You match the colors. Bing bing bong bong. Then the board is full and you win. Really simple stuff, folks. I like puzzle games. I get along with puzzle games. But it's not the best puzzle game. I like to play the best, OK?

Now that I reviewed this game, I'll probably delete it. Maybe I'll keep it. I have a lot of highscores. But honestly, they don't even matter to me. We'll see.

I have some of the highest scores in the world. Other Candy Crush players, the really good ones, see my high scores and they can't believe it. I'm beating these guys by 10, 20, sometimes 35,000 points. And these are like professional Candy Crush players. So my scores are really high. I'm very proud of them. But they're under audit. And I'd love to show them to you because you'd be very impressed. They're very impressive. But my lawyers are saying I can't show them until after the audit.