Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838 
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Post by Balder on Sept 20, 2019 17:11:05 GMT
Ilsa, the Wicked Warden... God damn cobretti you knew how much torture it was to watch Call of the Blonde Goddess, and yet you still included another movie from this guy. Here's my review: "Ever hear me talk about how bad Call of the Blonde Goddess/Voodoo Passion is? Well this is the same director. Straight off the bat I will say that while Ilsa, the Mad Butcher/Ilsa, the Wicked Warden (what the hell is up with the alternative titles of these movies anyway?) is not as bad as the before-mentioned movie, it also a sexploitation movie, which is the equivalent of saying that it is a non-movie, a movie with barely any story or progression because of two "huge" reasons. There is some story in this movie that is interrupted every 2 seconds while we see the inmates and the warden take advantage of the main character and other inmates. Call of the Blonde Goddess had lots of awful sex scenes, but this movie mostly has teasing scenes. Boring as fuck. One thing I will note however is that the ending reminded me a lot of the ending of Strike by Eisenstein. I guess Franco was inspired by Eisenstein's famous cross-cutting enough to put it into his on movie. Jesus Franco should have gone on to direct films that would be viewed on a different website than YouTube instead of making these half-assed movies. Whole-ass one thing instead you creep." 0.5/5 One of the absolute worst ones. But I'll give you one thing cobretti , that Greta sure had some legendary tits. I know why this is you favorite movie from Jesus. |
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Sept 20, 2019 23:19:41 GMT
Some more crap for ya, Street Trash:
"Street Trash definitely lives up to its name, it is one of those unique pieces of trash you could only find in the streets. You would be embarrassed if anyone ever found such trash in your house. It is a very trashy movie, simple as that. Hobo drinking old liquor which makes the body melt? What the hell is going? It kind of reminds me of Body Melt in that both films has a substance that makes people's bodies melt and the story is incoherent as fuck. The style of this movie is very peculiar. It has this exploitation feel that is very present, but then it turns into this extremely awful comedy at times. This is by far the worst aspect of this movie. It is so unfunny and cringy. And by saying that the comedy was the worst part is saying a lot when the rest of the movie basically consists of cheap body melting effects and rape, lots of rape. Gang rape, hobo rape, fat people rape, you name it. This would not be so bad if it was not for the fact that it sucks. What the hell do I even mean by that? Well it could have been better if it was more consistent in tone and excluded most of the comedy crap. Skip this one, there are plenty of cheap indie exploitation movies that are far more entertaining than this one." 1/5
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 1, 2019 19:54:11 GMT
Watched Troma's War. Can't say I was particularly impressed by it:
"Troma's War kind of reminds me of Hamburger: The Motion Picture in that they are both very poorly written and that they both feature an all-star shit cast ensemble of actors. It lacks everything resembling a real story, and the humor is just terrible most of the time. The violence and gore are of course entertaining, but they are not great enough to warrant a good score for this movie. I found it a little bit disappointing that this movie was categorized partly as horror as it has nothing that can even be mistaken for horror. There were no clear main characters nor any characters that I cared for one bit. This is your everyday trashy CGR Mega List movie. Bad in every regard, but no one can deny that it is a little bit entertaining." 1.5/5
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 2, 2019 20:54:03 GMT
Spooktober continues which means I'll probably finish out all the remaining horror entries on this list. So here is Sleepaway Camp:
"I know this movie is kind of famous for its twist, and by famous I mean it is famous in the same way Godfrey Ho is famous. Sure they might be famous to a certain audience, but are they really famous, or are they really infamous? Because I really doubt anyone has heard of this outside those who grew up and watched it through a rental back in the day. Just look at the title and cover art, do you think this is an original movie? By the time this came out, 3 of the Friday the 13th movies had come out, and the slasher genre had been thriving for around 20 years. This movie is just a compilation of shitty attempts to recreate the feelings of a good slasher movie from the golden age of slashers. Every thing shown is just a boring rehash. Sure the ending is trying to be creative and shocking, however, by the time it comes, I am so bored to death by having to sit through all this crap. The twist is not bad. I highly doubt it is so incredibly shocking like the Wikipedia page seems to suggest though. Have you never ever watched a slasher in your life, this might come off as semi-original, but this was the mid-80's, and slashers have been around since the 60's. So if they wanted to make a slasher that stood out, it really would have needed to be better than this." 1/5
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 2, 2019 22:08:26 GMT
I've started watching Faces of Death, and it is seriously fucked. Like it's really fucking messed up. cobretti have you actually watched that shit, or did you just put it on the list as a joke? Did you actually sit your ass down and watched the whole thing? I'm feeling awful after having watched the first 20 minutes. If anyone's wondering what it's about, just take 5 seconds out of your time to watch the first couple of seconds of this thing. |
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scipioafricanus
Cartoon Pony Wrangler
Sega Does What Nintendon't... except the 32X
Posts: 3,614
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Post by scipioafricanus on Oct 2, 2019 22:36:53 GMT
I've started watching Faces of Death, and it is seriously fucked. Like it's really fucking messed up. cobretti have you actually watched that shit, or did you just put it on the list as a joke? Did you actually sit your ass down and watched the whole thing? I'm feeling awful after having watched the first 20 minutes. If anyone's wondering what it's about, just take 5 seconds out of your time to watch the first couple of seconds of this thing.  |
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dschult3
Off-Brand Transformable Robot
The true heir to the Monado.
Posts: 2,887
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Post by dschult3 on Oct 2, 2019 22:51:02 GMT
I've started watching Faces of Death, and it is seriously fucked. Like it's really fucking messed up. cobretti have you actually watched that shit, or did you just put it on the list as a joke? Did you actually sit your ass down and watched the whole thing? I'm feeling awful after having watched the first 20 minutes. If anyone's wondering what it's about, just take 5 seconds out of your time to watch the first couple of seconds of this thing. For the love of God, don't watch that. I remember my brothers telling me about it in high school. They're younger than me, and they used to talk about this like it was the cool, yet secret thing to watch. That is some messed up garbage, and honestly, I don't think anyone sane would sit back, relax, and chill to this type of thing, unless you were a psychopath... |
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 3, 2019 20:34:58 GMT
I'm taking a break from Faces of Death for a while. I still think I'll complete it at some point, but here's Trick or Treat for now:
"For what it is, Trick or Treat is not the worst movie ever made. It has a generic plot, but the music is actually pretty good. Despite it being generic in almost every possible sense of the word, I actually kind of like this crap from time to time. Bringing back an artist from the dead by playing an unreleased (cursed) album backwards? It is cheesy alright, but I cannot help myself from being amused by the idea. I do wish this would have been fleshed out some more though. The characters especially could have used some work. Not the worst thing you could watch for Spooktober though." 2/5
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cobretti
Fire Shark Shinobi
Strong Arm Of The Law
Posts: 1,760
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Post by cobretti on Oct 3, 2019 23:11:17 GMT
I've started watching Faces of Death, and it is seriously fucked. Like it's really fucking messed up. cobretti have you actually watched that shit, or did you just put it on the list as a joke? Did you actually sit your ass down and watched the whole thing? I'm feeling awful after having watched the first 20 minutes. If anyone's wondering what it's about, just take 5 seconds out of your time to watch the first couple of seconds of this thing. |
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 4, 2019 1:19:22 GMT
I've started watching Faces of Death, and it is seriously fucked. Like it's really fucking messed up. cobretti have you actually watched that shit, or did you just put it on the list as a joke? Did you actually sit your ass down and watched the whole thing? I'm feeling awful after having watched the first 20 minutes. If anyone's wondering what it's about, just take 5 seconds out of your time to watch the first couple of seconds of this thing. I'll complete it, but you have to answer first; have you watched it, and if so, what did you think about it? |
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 5, 2019 23:40:26 GMT
Kinda disappointed that you never disclosed whether or not you watched Faces of Death cobretti , but my conscience is clean, because I watched that shit. I must say that the first 30 minutes of it is by far the worst. It mellows in a way as there are more staged stuff towards the middle and the end, and those are much easier to watch than the real stuff. Here's my review of it: "Now this is a rough movie to watch. It is the first (and hopefully the last) mondo movie (exploitation documentary/shockumentary) I have ever watched. This movie depicts anything that has to do with death, and it goes super broad in that definition. It has everything from real autopsies and slaughtering of animals both humanely and beating them to death with god damn sticks, and it has a lot of staged events that are depicting real events such as killings, suicides, accidents, capital punishment and much much more. The staged stuff is very easy to spot as the camera angles are all weird and the editing cuts the shot all the time, making it nearly unwatchable. In these cases the audience does not get to what is happening really. The fucked up parts are the ones where they use real footage. Those autopsies at the beginning are nearly unwatchable to me. Seeing real gore and guts are a million times worse than any of the fake stuff. The stuff that has to do with animals being slaughtered or beaten to death are the worst parts of the movie. It is disgusting and it makes me want to turn this filth off. Why the hell did I finish watching this? Well I must say that the premise itself is interesting, no matter how morbid it is. Taking a deep look into the biggest taboo, death itself, is worth a watch. What is disappointing however, is the lack of respect. I get the reason why there is no respect here, it is all about shock factor and no sugar coating. It still does not take a completely neutral look at death either, because the filmmakers could not resist the temptation of narrating the entire film. This way the filmmakers involve themselves by commenting and criticizing the content it is showing. Sometimes they bring up interesting philosophical points, and other times they play silly music over people's deaths. This is not a pretty movie, and I would never recommend anyone to watch it, but I must say it is incredibly unique even though it has spawned way too many unwarranted sequels and rehashes. In a way this is the opposite of The House Is Black as that movie is also unwatchable for me due to the taboo subject it depicts and because it also has real footage. That movie though is shot with respect and it takes a moral and philosophical stand on its subject, whereas this simply feels very exploitative. It is an infamous film that I am glad to have watched, but I think I am even happier that it is over and I never have to watch it again. By giving it a 0.5/5 does not mean it is the worst movie ever, since this is one of those rare instances where the movie is almost impossible to give a score. Horrific stuff." 0.5/5 |
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cobretti
Fire Shark Shinobi
Strong Arm Of The Law
Posts: 1,760
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Post by cobretti on Oct 6, 2019 5:14:20 GMT
Kinda disappointed that you never disclosed whether or not you watched Faces of Death cobretti , but my conscience is clean, because I watched that shit. I must say that the first 30 minutes of it is by far the worst. It mellows in a way as there are more staged stuff towards the middle and the end, and those are much easier to watch than the real stuff. Here's my review of it: "Now this is a rough movie to watch. It is the first (and hopefully the last) mondo movie (exploitation documentary/shockumentary) I have ever watched. This movie depicts anything that has to do with death, and it goes super broad in that definition. It has everything from real autopsies and slaughtering of animals both humanely and beating them to death with god damn sticks, and it has a lot of staged events that are depicting real events such as killings, suicides, accidents, capital punishment and much much more. The staged stuff is very easy to spot as the camera angles are all weird and the editing cuts the shot all the time, making it nearly unwatchable. In these cases the audience does not get to what is happening really. The fucked up parts are the ones where they use real footage. Those autopsies at the beginning are nearly unwatchable to me. Seeing real gore and guts are a million times worse than any of the fake stuff. The stuff that has to do with animals being slaughtered or beaten to death are the worst parts of the movie. It is disgusting and it makes me want to turn this filth off. Why the hell did I finish watching this? Well I must say that the premise itself is interesting, no matter how morbid it is. Taking a deep look into the biggest taboo, death itself, is worth a watch. What is disappointing however, is the lack of respect. I get the reason why there is no respect here, it is all about shock factor and no sugar coating. It still does not take a completely neutral look at death either, because the filmmakers could not resist the temptation of narrating the entire film. This way the filmmakers involve themselves by commenting and criticizing the content it is showing. Sometimes they bring up interesting philosophical points, and other times they play silly music over people's deaths. This is not a pretty movie, and I would never recommend anyone to watch it, but I must say it is incredibly unique even though it has spawned way too many unwarranted sequels and rehashes. In a way this is the opposite of The House Is Black as that movie is also unwatchable for me due to the taboo subject it depicts and because it also has real footage. That movie though is shot with respect and it takes a moral and philosophical stand on its subject, whereas this simply feels very exploitative. It is an infamous film that I am glad to have watched, but I think I am even happier that it is over and I never have to watch it again. By giving it a 0.5/5 does not mean it is the worst movie ever, since this is one of those rare instances where the movie is almost impossible to give a score. Horrific stuff." 0.5/5 Sorry all I've had time to do recently was to tell you to stop being such a pussy. Yes I have watched it. It is not good. I'm not into the mondo stuff, but had a laugh making you watch it. Now I owe you some off your list. There, happy? |
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 7, 2019 19:26:06 GMT
Nearing the final stretch of movies, so here's Blood Feast:
"For being the first movie of its kind (the first splatter movie ever made), it was generally very gory. Unfortunately, the gore, which is the main reason to watch this movie, was incredibly cheap looking and looked fake as fuck. The acting all across the board is god damn terrible. The story is boring and I am really just waiting for the next murder to happen. The characters sucked and are retarded as hell. It had a very short run-time though, which I am always a fan of when it comes to these cheesy movies. Cool to have seen the very first movie of a kind, but this is mostly forgotten for a reason or two." 1.5/5 not that much to say about this one. It didn't leave much of an impression on me to be honest.
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 8, 2019 13:13:43 GMT
Hard Rock Zombies:
"This a very funny and enjoyable road movie. There is a band touring around, and the rest is just over the top madness and zany hijinks. Adolf Hitler is for some reason in the movie, and it is so random yet hilarious. Then there are zombies and all sorts of weird creatures creating havoc. The music is pretty good and it makes a great companion piece to this mess. The effects are good, albeit not fantastic. A highly enjoyable crapfest." 2.5/5
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Balder
Supreme Overlord
Trying to cut down the amount of movies I watch
Posts: 6,838
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Post by Balder on Oct 8, 2019 17:01:44 GMT
I'm strongly against pirating movies, and since I found no way of watching Operation Warzone legally, I had to resort to renewing my Amazon Prime Video membership. It's baffling that this movie is nowhere to be found on the net except for piracy sites. It's not like Prior cares to protect his other movies from piracy. He should just release all his movies to YouTube like he has done to some of his movies. I don't think he makes that much from Prime anyways. Maybe he could have a donation link in his description and then people could support him directly if they wanted to. Anyways, here's my thoughts on the film:
"David A. Prior is the man of every young boys dream movie. It is like he never grew up from his military fantasies. His movies are so macho and chock full of action that there is never a dull moment (in a way). Sure it is mindless and none of the scenes carry any impact as these soldiers pretty much destroy anything in their path. I was pretty sure I had seen every war setting imaginable by this guy before, but apparently I it must have been another movie about the Vietnam war that I watched, because this is the first movie from Prior set in this iconic setting. It is deadly serious as usual with a ton of shootouts. What makes this stand out from the rest of his filmography at this point is the weird and inappropriate music that he decided to put in. This upbeat pop music does not fit at all, yet I very much welcome it like I do with every David A. Prior movie that I watch. This is not one of his best, but it is above average I would say." 3/5
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