MotW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Even though I'm a 90s kid, I never understood the appeal of the Ninja Turtles franchise. The games were either shitty platformers or arcade button-mashers, the cartoons never caught my attention, and the only film of the franchise that I saw was TMNT (2007), which was laughably bad.

Your wish is my command.

I wasn't even aware that the series was based on/started with a comic book.

I have the nostalgia bug, Balder.  I pretty much share the same sentiments as James Rolfe does on this film.  I feel like the practical visuals were very well done by the legendary Jim Henson team.  The story was a bit grittier than the cheesy cartoon of the era, and that blew me away at the time.  This movie was very different from the standard kids film at the time.  Sure, fantastic movies like The Never-Ending Story and The Dark Crystal existed, but this was a fantastical ninja flick mixed in with the modern world.  It was a perfect way to end the 80s.

Side note:  As a kid, my aunt would bring me and my brothers to the dollar theater to watch this movie over and over again.  We would visit a grocery store ahead of time and loaded up my grandma's giant ass purse my aunt borrowed, a trench coat she wore that was my grandpas, and every pocket the kids had with soda and bags of candy.  As soon as the lights wend down, all you heard were bags of candy opening and cans bursting forth with acidic sugary delights.  Good times....

Review time:

Once upon a time, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird decided to play a game where they would try to one up each other with drawings of ninja turtles. They eventually put them in a comic and published it, but little did they realise what would follow.

It was Turtlemania. A cartoon was made to sell the toys to kids, featuring turtles that didn't look much like the toys. Then inevitably, a movie came out.

The first half hour or so gives us a good introduction to the Turtles and their way of life. We also meet April and Casey Jones, who become their best friends from above the sewers. Also, a few intorductory glimpses of the Foot Clan who are holding the city in a grip of fear. The plot really gains momentum when Raphael rescues April and brings her back to their lair. Unfortunately, a Foot ninja follows him. Their Master Splinter is abducted and the Turtles vow to find him.

The movie is based more on the comic and you'll find scenes carried over, such as the meeting with Casey Jones, the apartment brawl and the Shredder's fate at the end. But while the Foot Clan goes about its 'business' as professionally as possible, the Turtles carry over some of their goofiness from the cartoon. You have Donatello and Michelangelo, throwing one liners while they dodge attacks and spin around on their shells, knocking out ninjas, or Leonardo slicing up an airbourne pizza and having the slices land on their dinner plates. It's like they immigrated from Cartoon world and turned 3D.

One thing that stands out is the costumes and puppetry. A guy in a rubber suit, made by Jim Henson's Creature Shop is way more realistic than Michael Bay's blatant CGI. The skin, plus the action, are real! Although their lips aren't always synchronised, the turtles still have unique faces. Raphael looks brooding while Michelangelo is wide eyed, which fits their characters. Let's not forget Splinter, but it's a shame you never see him walk.

Of course, some things went over my head when I was a kid. What do they mean by 'moonlighting'? Who's Wayne Gretsky?' What did Raph say when he grabbed Casey's bat ("A -something-something-at. I hope you didn't pay good money for this")? Penecilin on pizza? Yeah, I guess leave some cultural references for the adults, but they don't age well, especially if you're not American.

Also, April, played by Judith Hoag, isn't as cute as she was in the cartoon. In fact, she just looks greasy, like she hasn't showered.Elis Koteas is a sly dog as Casey, Tatsu barely has a personality and Shredder is legitimately competent and the only one who can hold his own against the Turtles.

Fortunately or unfortunately, this would be the Turtles' peak in the cinema. The sequel was nerfed (for a lack of a better word), the next marked the begining of the end of 90's TMNT and Michael Bay obviously hasn't changed his tactics since doing the Transformers movies.

I give this movie a 7 out of 10.

Happy birthday centipede !